it took a long time to suppress it..
but nowadays, its awakening again..
i'll be lying if i say im not tinking of it..
i still do sumtimes..
n i feel sad wen it happens..
it hurts..
still..
jus trying my best to suppress it..

i noe my life is never gonna be the same..
there will always be tat black patch..
but i nd to live on
Cant be harping on the same old thing..

i had a dream jus now..
N i wake up crying..
at least i noe subconsciously..
its still there..

to bebo,
don wori..
i understand..
u r bz
wit fyp, skool and upcoming ITP..
i'll wait for 3 weeks..
Den we have fun aite?
the overnite stay..
the zoo..
n lots more..
*winks*

ok..
ciao..
MUACKS!!!

y must u bring back my past into our relationship?

its tat wat u want?
to live in the past..
im devastated, yes..

jus one mistake i made..
And we have to go thru tis over again..

Do u like to c me cry every nite?
Do u tink its fun?
*sobs*

all i wanted was to start anew..
a new life..
out of the world which i've lived..
for the past 6 weeks...
a world full of darkness and lies..
Full of sorrows...

im sori if i said stuff that hurts u..
But its part of my life..
My past is...
Can u accept it?
and me?
Again...

All i want is to live..
a happy life...
yes, i do tink of it sumtimes..
But nvr put my hopes high..
i gave up on tat..
a long time ago..
Plus its not worth my time..

i want this bond to be built on trust..
Trust btween us..
i disappoint u before..
yes, i noe...
but can u trust me again?
for the sake of tis bond we r building..
PLS...

*prays hard*
don make my heart broken again...
I don tink i can take it..
Its too painful..
if it happens again..
i won be able to love..
Ever again...

Tat i can gurantee..

WEEE!!!!!

so boring!!

i tell u sumting...
*whispering*
i've been SEXUALLY HARASSED!!!!
*sobbing*

haha..
yes, i have..
but in pretence..

haha..
was in my GEMS lecture..
we had to do role play jus now..
very malu..
Summore abt sexual harassment..
Superman!!
i got same title as u de..
so unlucky..

Sheesh!!!
im B-O-R-E-D!!
waitiNg for bebo..
to finish his FYP study..
n im alone...
Doing my formal report..
which practical was jus now..
so semanGatz..
haha

waiting for poly 50 event..
Powerboi sleeping..
like pig..
Superman and PowerGer so prepare 4 poly 50...
elektra wen hm...
as he so said," i'm sicK!!"
sumting is bothering u..
i noe..
Btw, E..
u jus don noe how to lie..
u shud get tips from me..
keke

im going out tis Sat!!!
yes!!!
a nite out!!
at last...
persuaded bebo to acc. me..
plus my mom..
my dad?
lets not spoil tis update aite?

yes..
i got an earful from my dad...
my mom didn't even say anything..
n he's like..
chut, chut...
i haven tok to him since sat..
the day it happened..

first, its my problem wen,who and where i wan to go..
wat time i wan to go hm..
i noe my limits.. btw..
im not stupid to b hm after midnite..
im scared of the dark..
plus i have nite blindness..
so..

plus, weekdays i have skool..
so i enjoy on weekends..
i noe i've been cumin hm late for the past 5 weeks..
but..
i cant stay at hm..
cos i had problems tat time..
if u ever lift a hand on me, even a finger..
i'll go straight to Paya lebar or Pasir Ris..
i'l be happy dere..
they luv me more than u do..

plus, if u treat me well..
n let me c u everyday..
i wont b like tis..

but no, u don noe anything abt me..
n i only c u on weekends..
wen i do sumting, u jus tick me..
wen u noe nothing abt me..

one more thing, yes..
i have a bf..
pls, jus accept it?
its been almost 3.5 yrs..
im 19..
not 9...
for heaven's sake...
sheesh..

its sad okay?
im one of ur blood..
n i detest u..

if only u wld b more concerned...

weee!!!

i get the most compliments today!!!
haha..
Thick-skinned?
i noe...
well, u cant help it wen ppl compliment u..
u admit it and accept it...
haha
rite?
*answers*RITE!!!

so clever!!

Ppl say im myself nowadays..
n i am happy..
to be myself again..
Problem-free!!
Crazy, sweeet and simple!!
keke..

btw, if ur intentions is to make me feel bad or jealous..
Seriously, its nt werking..
plus, i have my Bebo now..
n he's the nicest i can hav..
n im thankful to God for that..
Plus..
im back!!
so no matter wat, im HAPPY!!!!
keke

okay, im crazy..
Notin happened much so far..
Sheesh..

Reach hm early..
Comp hogging..
Reports..
Wen will it ever end?
hmmph..

okai, tats all for now!!
Ciao!!
Muacks!!

Me, myseLf n I!!!!!!!

okay.. another entry for today!!!

Went out wiTh the girls today!!
it was FUN, FUN, FUN!!!!
Wit tasha's supid jokes..
Plus the games.. the passing game..
the psst game.. so memalukan but, but it was fun!!
haha

okay, the pics are here..
haha

to all my gfs, i don need 2 mths now okay..
hmm.. jus the nxt day..
will do..
keke

me and beLOveD!!

My the oTher beLOved!!!

Plus my not-so-beloved.. hahah

The gIrlfrIENDS..

ms OrlAndo bLoom!!

WaITiNG FOr thE traIN...

Tats all fOR toDay!!! 4 more, fInd mE!!

P.S: the class Pics i haven update yet.. will do laterz!! ciao...

okay..
i have a lot to say and alot of pics to put!!!!!

Lets start by...

SaTurday:

i went to the beach!!! with Bebo... haha
Niway, as u all can read, i was troubled..
n he tot by bringing me to the beach and breathe in sum fresh air..
it would make me feel better..
Sweet kan???
*smiles*

Took and breathe in and breathe out air..
Fresh ones..
N it definitely made me better..
He made sum stupid jokes..
N making a fool of himself..
As per normal, his accidentally blunders.. like everyday!!!
keke..

Ya!!! btw, here are the pics!!!

cHeeky bOy + cheeKy gIrl = PerfEcT maTch

jumPing OF jOy!!!

AAHH!!!! bIg mOuth!!

SedaP nYe barIng.. sakIt tau kaki ku... hmmph

Screaming for pain after i put the mascara on his eyes.. haha

i realli don't like the negative aura around me n my superheroes..
i feel sad..
For them..
N me..

i'm tearing now..
but i don noe why..

i tink i feel sad for my 2 superheroes..
i noe they have big problems..
n i want them to be happy..
i don like to c them sad..
cos i will feel sad..
Plus they are nice ppl..
N nice ppl don deserve to be disappointed..

haiz...

i jus wish it will be sunshine after rain..
SOON.....

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Don be sad kay?
If u need me, i'll be there for u...

okay..

U can call me vain or watsoever but i wan to show my...

collection of prezzies!!!!
keke..
im so happy!!!

my first preZZie!! 2 days early.. frOm deaRESt eLEKTrA..

tHis iS fRm mY *eHem-eHem*!!! waNted a nEw baG sO muCH..

tHis IS the ShiRt fRoM mY bEstIEs!!! fRom fOreVer 21.. thIS was 6 dAyssss LATE!! keke

this iS waT i Jus gOt toDAy!! frOm tIng2, fyZa aNd mY 4 sUperhEroes!!

i lUv u gUys!!

The moment i saW thIS, i wAs jUmpiNg uP and dOWn ard The hSE..

aSkiNg my faMily tO smELL me..

keke

TKS!!
i LUV U!!!

MUACKS!! cIAO

P.S: i have 2 mOre pRezzIEs tO cUM.. thEy oWe me.. U caN caLL me tHick-sKin.. i don miND.. keke

P-R-O-B-L-E-M...

i hate tis werd..
Y must it exist in our life?
Its so inevitable..

All my superheroes are having prob..
One has bangla- prob.. (keke!!)
The other has BGR problem..
While the other 3 going into depression soon..
All the 5 superheroes..
Sheesh..
n i tot superheroes are problem-less..
They jus need to save the werld!!
BUT NO!!!

to E..
im worried..
yes, i am..
abt who?
U!!
tc ya..
U noe wat to do wen u are down..
I will immediately change into my Superhero suit..
And..
DAREDEVIL TO THE RESCUE!!!
Aite?
*smiles*

Another werd im having mixed feelings abt..

L-O-V-E

Y must it exists in both positive and negative way?
Y can't it jus be positive and stay SWEET all the way?

As for one, that is one of my problem..

haha..

okie..

CIAO!!

MUACKS!!

soon, the new-and-improved suEsUe will be back!!
haha..
okay.. im getting crazy..
MUACKS..
MUACKS!!

Adieu..

Sad is sad..
but i still have to let go of tis feeling..

im not crying cos he has a new girlfren..
i cried cos he found a replacement in his life...
only after 3 weeks that we ended..

Do i mean nothing during that 1 mth?
Was i jus another plaything he cud make use of?
Upon noeing the truth of his situation now..
i deleted all contacts and any links to him..
His numbers..
His MSN nick..
His photos..
Im still trying to figure out how to delete contacts in Friendster..
Those who noes, can pls tell me?
haha...

Keke..

Yes.. i have get rid of any thoughts and desires of him..
All hopes i have gotten rid off...
But wat disappoints me is that..
i took more than a mth to get over him..
Cried over him every nite..
But he..
Jus a few days..
Perhaps..
And now im still healing..
A little bit more..

And rekindling the love we used to had..
Between me and that special sum1 in my life..
Even though i've hurt him alot..
He's jus dere beside me...
Stood by me all the way...
Even when he noes im tinking of sum1 else..
He's jus there...
Listen to everything i said..
Made me happy..
Even on my bdae..
where i jus kept waiting..
He noes..
But he still helped me have a good time..
His frequent hugs and shoulders..
At least i noe i have sum1 to lean on..
Made his shirt wet..
Everyday..
keke..
kan, kan?

There were others too..
Like my best frens...
My superheroes..
Esp Elektra..
Who cried with me..
almost everynite..
keke..

Perhaps this is karma..
I broke his heart..
so now, sumbody breaks my heart..
Maybe it really do exists..

So now, im jus trying my best..
He has move on..
And i am abt to take a step..

So, let me be happy..
i pray to God..
to lighten my burden..
Make me feel at peace..
Insyaallah..

P.S: to E and DEE.. i won curse for now.. haha.. buat dosa je.. aku dah bnyk dosa.. nak suro aku tambah plk.. Astaghfirullahalazim..

wah piang!!

im realli, realli pissed!!!!

sInce jUs now..
GEMS class..

lEt me vent my frustrations okay?!?!

u fricking bastard..
u fricking playboy..
Well, at least i noe u r not DEAD!!
mal, i tink u noe who i am talking abt..

well, yes..
i noe how he is..

here is wat happen..

in my GEMS class..
the usual qn my banu says to me..
"How is he?"

My usual ans..
"I tink he's dead.."

so jus now i gave a different answer..

i told her,
"okay, y don u call him?"
stupid me, type his number on banu's cell..
n i pressed the green button..
n i passed the phone to her..
ignoring her..

Den tat banu waited for him to pick up the phone..
Sheesh..
well, he's alive..
banu said,"helo?? err.. hold on ah.."
and she passed the phone to me..
My immediate reaction?
i pressed the red button..
well, he is alive!!!
wow, amazing!!

n he did not contact me for 2 weeks!!!
well, like Oprah said,

"HE"S JUS NOT THAT INTO U!!!"

damn it..

im really pissed..
realli pissed!!

Den he even called banu 2 times using his hm phone..
i said don pick up..
but2..
she pick up on the 2nd try...
Shhesh..

hear girl's voice..
Straight away call the person..
GRR!!!!!!

to girls out there,
do b careful of guys like tis..
Don get used..
they jus play wit ur feelings..
wen they r done, they throw u away..
okay, 4 my case..
he treats me like spit..
Damn all the guys like tis..

it hurts like hell..
okay, im exaggerating..
Hell hurts more..
haha

niway, im done and over wit...

hmm..
i noe its funny..
to say tis..

but..
hmm..

to mr bacin..
hehe

Yes, i want to be more than wat we are..
im shy..
jus waiting for ur initiative..
haha
ciao!!!

hAlo..

DuuSh, dUuSh!!
bWek!!

my fave werds for now..
haha..

off i went to school just now.. at 11. Went to meet Azri for lunch. My craving for KFC is done. YEAH!! Zinger burgEr.. yum-yum.. off i went to class at 1pm.. but very de lame.. Shhesh.. the class was like only 25 mins.. so frustrating.. hmmph.. Den wen to sit in the library.. for air-con.. wen to find sum books for my epoxy thing.. i haven studied for my tests.. my reports will be piling nxt week.. Haiz.. so many tests cumin up.. Very stress!!!

After skool, i did not wan to go hm.. On my clever tot, i msg dee.. Where she was.. Luck was on my side.. She oso finish skool.. so we met up tamp.. drinks at long john.. chatting abt dee's personal probs.. which happened a long time.. n i DID NOT EVEN NOE!!! *thinkin wat kind of best fren am i*.. meals at BK.. waited for marLiany.. whom i haven seen her for.. hmm, i don noe how long.. stories abt dogs.. Facts abt them i didn't noe.. Do u noe that female dogs also have PMS (menses).. and like humans, dey have to wear pads.. haha.. okay, if u r a guy, u may feel disgusted.. But,but.. its a fact.. tok abt gay clubs.. n frens whom i haven seen in mths/yrs..

Den, i had to go off.. i nd to study.. if u don noe, i have 3 tests.. one is tmr.. which i oni read thru so far.. plus its case study.. BUT i have not studied yet.. haiz..

i jus got to find out that my family of superheroes, which used to consists of DareDevil and Elektra.. now have new members.. Superman, Power gerl and Power Boy.. haha

So there goes..
my day experiences in life today..

bYE..
MUACKS!!!!

superheroes legs!! guess whose is whose?

helo..
jus got hm de..

so tired!!
was tinkin of studying but lazy..
so here i am blogging..
kaka..

hmm..
lets c..
ytd, took my measurements again..
okay.. i noe i hav long hands and long legs..
but u don hav to EMPHASIZE it!!
Sheesh..
i don like like it wen ppl comment abt my body..
God made me tis way..
like it or not
i hav to live wit tis body till i die..
so i have to b tankful..
sheesh..

hmm, was reading dee's blog abt ashamed n all tat..
i admit..
i've done some shameful stuff in my life..
And most of it, i regret it..
after doing it..
won elaborate further..
all tis are sins which i have to pay for..
wen my time cums..
there will always b consequences..

to Fit, i don noe how u can actually do it..
but ur lifestyle is jus not for me..
we may be the worst of the worst in the family..
well, not me..
but YOU!!
dere is always goodness in our hearts..
even thou we used to create probs..
haha
we changed rite..
well, ME..
not YOU!!
haha..
No matter wat u do, i won comment on it..
ur life..
ur probs..
ur decision..
aku iye kan je..
kau pun dah besar..
ade otak sendiri..
kan, kan?

i admit im emotionally attached..
BUT U DON HAV TO CALL ME STUPID, 3 TIMES!!!!
i counted ok?
hmmph..

so ya..
tata..

i drank tea tarik today!!!
AT LAST!!!
tks, E!!!


MUACKS!!!!

Lets tok abt Ytd!!

i tink the best nite of the week!!
plus its been a while ever since i had fun..

ytd was my bdae celebration..
haha..

don ask me wat kind of best frens celebrate my bdae like so belated!!
haha

niway, we were supposedly to meet at 5..
But, but...
as per normal, knowing sumone will be late..
mal n me took our own sweet time in skool..
haha
so syam and dee were half an hr late..
n mal and me were 5o mins late
so yeah!!!

at least we made dEE and sYAm wait for us..
instead of the other round..
kakakakaka

upon meeting dee, i was like shocked..
3 of us were wearing the same exact colour..
PINK!!
i got a shock wen i saw mal in skool..
with the MNG shirt
i got another shock wen i saw dee..
plus, plus..
the jeans..
the belt..
the slippers(almost similar colours!!)
haha

Den we walk to marina square...
to eat..
was tinkin of going seoul garden..
but we went budget-design-and-contract
haha

to pizza hut, we went
very nice de..
long time nvr eat pizza..
which is a lie..
i ate pizza like..
last week...
kaka

Plus2..
i got my prezzie..
finally!!!
its a nice top..
GREEN de!!
haha
very flowery..
n its sleeveless!!!
i wonder y they bought it for me..
noeing im sensitive abt my BCG..
but i noe i'll wear it..
since its frm dem!!

after dinner..
we went to the stairs..
the big stairs..
n we sat at the middle of the stairs..
hah
n using dee's werds..
we went cam-whoring!!
hah..
click dere..
click here..
click, click everywhere..
too many photos..
will upload them..
wen my stupid windows are werking..
Sheesh..
jus broke down at the wrong time...

haha..
We did sum catching up..
Problem-telling..
all that stuff..

At 8, syam had go..
his dance rehearsals..

So we went to esplanade..
We bought MINERAL WATER...
i wanted to eat the $1 ICE CREAM..
but dee tak kasi..
haha
snap2 again..

n we went off
ard 9.30..

Went hm..
saw my pri skool fren..
chatted wit him..
4 a while..
goT hm at almost 10.30..

took a shower..
n half an hour later..
the match!!
GERMANY AND AGENTINA...
haha

to my besties, inoe its boring to listen to me tok bt it..
over and over again..
but jus bear wit me..
a little while more..
tks again..
for the top..
LUV IT!!!!

to syam, tks for ur kind attention to listen to my prob..
mebbe u were rite..
not worth it to gloat over an idiot..
haha..
btw, don wori..
hope ur probs will werk out jus fine..

tats basically all..

tata..
here's a peek at ytd..

MUACKS!!

i liKE tis Pic!! sTylE de...

FeeLin SWEeT!!!

As UsUal.. mIrrOr iMAgE..

bElaTEd bDae bOy N gIrl!! i wlD noT haVe mEt hIm iF not fOr oUr bdAes...

pReTty wOmen waLkinG dOwn tHE sTreet

tURn n PosE!!!!!

okay..
im gonna blog..
NOW!!
haha

jus now in class, i was bored..
so i ask dear Elektra to play wit me..
haha
Hangman..
Tic-tac-toe..
Very the lame..
i noe..
haha

Den he came up wit a game..
Its called the "take-a-turn Poetry"..
haha
Very fUn de..

He will start a lIne..
den i will continue it..

So here goes...

in green is Elektra..
in pink is DD..
which is me.. btw

im tinkin of u..
And i noe u're tinkin of me too..
I'm not lying, its true
Cos u're sweet and u like the colour blue..

haha.. tks for callin me sweet!!
his poem, frm him to me.

Okay, here's another..
And i jus love tis onE!!
keke

Your kisses make me tingle
Your gaze makes my hand fumble
The sight of u makes my eyes twinkle
When u r around, i noe im in trouble!

i don like tis one..
but will write it down..
Anyway..

i wish u are always here
Always near, my dear
If u aren't, u'll make me tear
please don 4get me, please, i fear..

i lose in tis one..
he finish up the last sentence for me..
Sheesh..

Okay..
tis one..
he didn't like..
cos it was too sad..
but its me..
very me!!

touches of sorrow feels my heart
Ripping my fragile soul apart
A knife i'll take, my wrist i'll cut
How i yearn for a fresh start..

Actualli this is so us..
since both of us are like so fricking troubled..
but the knife one is exaggerated abit..
jus literally..
not physically..

dis is very raw n original..
our feelings inside..
plus our creativity
our brains..
we do make a gd team..
Don u tink, E?!?!

so dere goes..
im going hm now..
tata

MUACKS!!!

wOitZ..

AftErnOons..
keke..

juS gOt hM..
hmm, veRy tIred..
bUt Must cHionG mY 2 rePorts..
due tis FridAy..
Haiz..

Ytd, mEt baNU..
At laSt!!
aFter 3 wEeks..
Jus Got BacK fRm lOndOn de..
SheeSh!!

oN the WaY bcK..
MeT heR..
So we wEn hM tOgEther..
DeN sI baCin kOl..
sO wE tHree wEn hm 2geTha..

nIwAy, toOk sUm pIcS wIt hEr..
oKAy, hEre GoeS..

sO haRd tO gEt hEr tO sMilE...

sToiNK fAce...

Keke.. Okay, eveRy One LAugH!!!!

mE anD bAciN!!!!

OkAy, bYE2..

MuAckS!!!

okay..

Let me put this clear to all of u..
who knows abt my situation..
I have so many ppl asking me the same ques. over and over again..

The answer:
Its complicated..
i don noe wat my status is now..
And i don care..
i want to continue my life..
Be carefree..
But i can say,
We are werking things out..
so yup, dere u go..

In the lab now..
Doing my CPSTEC report..
Finishing soon..
I hope..
Jus the conclusion..

Okay..
tonite..
im gonna sleep late..
i want 2 c my kaka!!!
haha
So cUte!!

to E, its not wrong to watch soccer jus for the guys..
At least im intersted in it..
keke

Okay..
off now..
will tok laterz..

CIAO!!

MUACKS!!

hi...

first day of skool...
Very the fun!! haha

Get to c all my cute2 Fwens!!
Rite, marlOn??
keke

But streSS lah..
earlY morning get our papers back..
i failed A paper..
The first paper..

Blame the week of the test..
so many thiNgs happen on The week..
i didnt have the mood to study..
no wonder fail..
Plus here's the catch..
i fail by 1 mark..
AAHH!!

haha

after skool..
wen to tamp..
STARBUCKS-ing!!!
haha
realli a long tiMe..
aT last my caramel frap wen into my body..
sO refresHed!!

chuzzlinG wAs fUn and nOisy..

weN WIt AzRI..
ToT of kollinG dee and others..
but we deCided...
NO...
haha..

Btw, met Syahril and Ain ( dulu name die Faezah.. if u rmbr her )..
Okay, she is so Skinny..
Glad to say tis, but..
TISA!!
she's even skinnier than u...
GoodNess!!!
keke...
bUt her Life..
caNt saY muCH riTe..

okay, the Pics..

tHe sWeet mE!!!

ChuzzLinG!!!! cOnceNtraSI benAr...

CARAMEL FRAP!!!!

mY aRtIsTic shElf oN the moVE!!

the nOisy US!!!

The last few hrs of my bday were not tat bad..

I had 3 cakes to cut.. haha.. Fun de..

There was

• Fruit cake
• Blueberry cake
• Strawberry Cake

Fun rite.. cut cakes.. Den we went out to eat at Jln Kayu.. wen out at 11..jus got back.. Food were not back.. But there were cats and cockroaches.. Wen there are roaches by the side walk, it means its gonna rain.. N yes, it rained.. On the way back.. Btw, Family time was Fun!! it was fun.. With my mother laughin over a lame joke.. But her reacion were so over.. haha...

Oya, the pics for jus now.. jus received it to me.. YEAH...

WiTh eYes WidE opEn!! i reAlise i haVE bIg bubble eYEs..

I like tis pic!! oBviousLy, i Took iT!!

No cOmmenTs!! jUs lOOk and sEE...

WeiRd ppL wIt weIrd faCEs!!

i lIke tIs piC too!! doN noE y...

It was my big day today... but sumhow, i feel it was such a normal day.. Only a few minutes into my bday, tears have alreadi dropped.. Sumhow, the day which i've been looking forward to jus didnt turn out as expected. I tink its the first bday which i don feel like celebrating.. It jus brings back sad memories. Don ask y, jus accept it..

i'll tell u abt my day..

1 pm: Azri came to my house. Layan my sister's lib stuff.. Needed his help. 2 pm: Went out to Cathay Cineplex. Catch a movie. Jus my Luck.. the movie was okay. Ppl who has too much $$ can go watch. Otherwise, Don botHer.. Den we went to eat.. After tat, Went to esplanade.. Sit down.. Take breeze.. haha.. Den we eat ice-cream.. Walk all the way to Raffles.. Den i had to go hm.. Mama kol.. going for Dinner.. But haiz.. as per normal, empty promises.. i tink im so used to empty promises.. so now, im blogging.. I haven even cut my bday cake yet..

to B, im sorry i made u cry.. I jus cant help it.. Mayb u r rite.. mayb the medicine is the disease itself.. But it won happen.. i need to recover on my own.. I jus need time.. Plus i cant help it.. i jus keep tinkin.. He made too many promises to me tat i cant 4get.. I'll try.. Jus a few more weeks..

Will put the pics of today later.. After i get it..

Mayb tis is wat happens when u accept sum1 who is so hard to be accepted by sum1 like me.. But in the end, it jus didnt happen well.. This is wat happens wen u put so much love and hope into sumting but it didnt happen..

Looks like i won get my bdae wish after all.. It was a simple wish.. Gd bye..

tks to the ppl who wishes me all day long..

happy Bday to Myself...