What We Once Had

I used to always upset you,
When I could not be there.
I used to make you cry,
When I angrily said good-bye.
You used to walk up behind me
Giving a surprisingly long hug.
Kissing me like you had to have me.
Making me feel like you really needed a hug
You used to enjoy making time
When in your busy schedule, you never could find.
Calling me many times in the day
Just to say, you love me, while making sure I was OK.

With those feelings we shared, you captured my heart
But as time passed, we started to slowly drift apart.
The lonelier I felt, the lonelier I wanted you to feel.
But instead of our love growing
Our power of love stopped glowing.

I told you I don't love you.
You told me no, it's you that don't love me back.
We argued about stupid things,
Not even at times knowing why.
Was this all just lust or passion?
So did we decide, just to give it up.

Where did we go wrong?
I asked myself so many times.
We used to be together all day and night long.
But we ended up thinking this was all wrong.
As we got to simply saying, good-bye

It came to the day, we even stopped wanting
Wanting to make this love last forever
We could not stand to be together.
We also got to the point, instead of wanting a hug,
We both looked at each other as we said good luck.
I now sit here in tears, thinking of what we had.
Praying to God, if we ever find each other again
Let us feel and want,

A thing we both call LOVE..

Yesterday was a whirlwind, giler and kecohs for me!!

First appointment was with Mr Fairoz (I can see you have started using your real name.. finally!!). I was craving for my teh-peng. I went through three days without it. Only God knows how!! Hehek! So off to Teh Tarik for afternoon tea. And I’m so pissed that he can actually read my mind. Memang I nak lawan tauke!! Salah ke?? HmmpH!!

After which had a whirlwind ride to Orchard. You know, there is this tunnels-or-underground-things-or-whatever-you-call-it, when you go through PIE to town. Then, there are orange lightings and the only sounds you hear are the cars and underground sounds. Ok, I was so-de-jakuns and so the budak keciks that I was shouting my whole way through the tunnel. And he asked me to shout something. Confirm will tiu-lian even though no one can hear me, except the ones on bikes. But it was real fun la!! Unfortunately, we only went through one tunnel or I would have shouted what I wanted to. HAHA!!

Second appointment was supposedly to be Sue and Mal’s private time together. But, like she said, she had to bring the kids along. Mothers nowadays!! She knows she just can’t stop thinking about her kids left at home so she brought them along. HEHE!!

And yes, Mal can too read my mind. Well, my purpose when asking Mal out almost every time, would be the craving and the callings of Long John Silver. Ta da!! Hehe

So the kids and the Mom ordered lots of cheese while I just ordered a serving. Photo takings and lots of sharing!!

And Mal!! I don’t like it that you only told me like half of the story. I need the full story! And I want it bad!! *tersedu-sedu aku nangis*

But, I’M HAPPY FOR YOU LA, GER!! Go all the way!! In the meanwhile, just let me keep guessing who...

Mango-serbu-ing!!! Miss Sweetie-pie-on-screen bought something and Kimiko did too!! I like her top but, but I like the lace tube dress more!! Kan, Kan??

And the way home was the most kelakars.. And I know, im so becoks and when it comes to reasoning, nombor satu! But I’m not blur la. Mmg btul pun blh naik basikal kalau takde mrt!!

And the cute guy… Aww!! Blh cair la.. just our type!! HAHA!!!

What do you do when you are stuck between your best friend and your boy friend??

You don’t know who to scold. You don’t know who to blame. You don’t know the full story. And suddenly, it’s like this, the abletogetalongwitheachother 4 turned against each other.

I guess its just one big misunderstanding. Let’s just work things out before its just get worse.

And, to another, don’t run away. Face up to it, even if you are in the wrong or not.

Recalls on the 26th November 2006.

The 1pm appointment with the SHF turned out to be.. ermm, unsuccessful. Some were late, some was still sleeping and the rest basically had other stuff to do.

So in the end, there were only 4 of us..

See our Da Jie, smile so big!! She was busy texting her friends, summore with Sha’s hp. She always saves on SMS. Hehe.. She was the latest of the 4 because she woke up at 1pm. Sheesh!!

HEHEHE!!! Underneath this farce, there lies a half naked Marlon!! I got the full one, I mean, the half naked one. Want to see?? Keke. Next entry perhaps babe!!

Our Dear Mr Shay making faces at something. Perhaps pissed that he didn’t get his badminton court.

My Partner in my SHF and I love him!! HAHA!! Like he always say, platonic-ly. We just look alike with the specs, don’t we?? *making faces*

Ouhh!! The present. The wrapping was a last minute thing. I went down to the SP Co-op and luckily, the uncle was nice to lend me some stuff. And Jon loves striking colours. Don’t ask me what is inside. It is so not suitable as a present but We hope Jon loved it!! Oh, oh.. the heart shape card. Thanks to Lon’s wallet-heart-shape-a-dollar and I learnt it in just 5 minutes. Ok, Tell me. Does it look like a Nasi Lemak Packet??

The gerls was just bored on the way to marina Square. With my Dizzy Spells due to the Driving and it was just uncomfortable la. Xue Ting got the back seat alone. And I didn’t like the back seat because of.. My legs!! Its just stuck at the back, so uncomfortably.

This is basically us when I bring my camera or jon’s camera along. We are just attention seekers. That, we know!!

This is the Bdae Boy. Well, half of him. And taking this pic and because of me, he lost his concentration and ALMOST hit the bus in front. Now u know why I fell unsafe with him driving.

In Marina Square and we were blocking the ways. As per normal, US!! Ooohh, there is Satiysh. He was bored so he followed us too. He’s great company and he is the one person who see me every day and goes, “SUUUUUU!!! Why you look so tired??” hehe. Cute eh?? As for now, its just smiles for the camera!!

Me and the SHF guys!! The two beside me did the sweetest thing ever for the day. All of us receive Christmas cards and inside the cards lies sweetnothings from them to us. So sweet la!! And I’m touched, serious.

After which met Miss Diyanah. And another chill session at MacD. Lots happen and I just don’t want to bring it up. Because what has happened, happened and let it all passed. Rite. Rite??

This is the new breed of hamster. With the big eyes and the teeth. Does she look similar to the hamster?? And a good way to release your anger. Make fun of yourself and enjoy life!! ok, sue dah start merepek die!!

Us while waiting for the boyfriends, which was I swear was so lembabs. Maybe dunia nie dah terbalik. Girls have to wait guys, nowadays. Not the other way round, anymore.

Yes, yes that’s me!! Any problems with that??

I love myself. I love myself so much that no one can ever love me more than I do! But one thing I must say, I don know myself and I need someone to know me more than I know myself. What I want and what I’m all about.

And, and.. yes, yes I’m like this and I like the me now. One thing about myself won’t I change for anyone and will never, never I change my kecoh-ness and becok-ness and my kaypoh-ness and the cheekiness. FYI, that is my specialty okai? So do not disturb!

Comment and comment all you want, but I’m still steadfast about my identity and my loyalty to this body of mine and God.

Your choice, hate me or love me. Either ways, I’m still Suhaila, the sweet and becok girl. HAHA!!

Na-da!

My heart breaks to see you like this.
And i feel so guilty.
Those eyes i saw was full of sadness.
Those eyes i can't forget.
And how much weight you have shed.
I can't help but worry for you.
For my sake, do take care of yourself ya?
I love you, still.
But not the way it used to be.
I'm sorry....

Im so damn busy and so-very-the-lazy to keep up with the dates that I forgot about your birthday!! Im so very, very-de sorry la darling!! And stop it with your gundu-s and your idiot-s okai?? HAHA!! I haven met you for 3 years n I KNOW!! Its like so.. LONG!! HAHA!! All our plans during these years just never made it out and we just never bump to each other anywhere. Perhaps no fate between us la. I seriously miss you la gerl!! Enjoyed our convo-s together and, and.. you seriously need love lessons, hehe!! I need to meet you before you get married and migrate to the city of “Big Ben”. I’ll be missing you more by then. Hehe!! And you too will miss me, that I know of. Keke! Well, stay sweet, cheerful and gundu-ish as always!! And let pray and make an effort to make the Saturday plans actually work out, okai?? *winks*

Jon!! I suddenly realise, while making this entry for you that, I have less photos taken with you. Grr!! Most were single or group shots. Today remind me to take pics with you, can or not uh??

And I never get anything for you la. So I think this entry is sufficient enough liao. HAHA!! You are basically the funniest, blur-est, cute-st, gullible-est and selenge-est of all my friends. There is never a day I can never laugh at you. Haha!! Now that you are 20, take care of yourself and act your age. Don’t be influenced by the 19 year olds. Hehe!! Ouh and… please drive carefully and following the rules of the road. Im so not secure with my life at your hands, most of the times. HAHA!! Anyhow and anyway, have a nice birthday and let’s just sweat out to the last of our sweats today!! Love you, “Babe”!! *hugs*

This following post is for the ‘Specials’.

First goes out to my “Poly Specials”.




I miss you guys!! I just can’t wait for Tuesday (I pray it happens..). I need all the time with you guys now, especially when school is ending like in 7 weeks time. Time flies past us like the wind, I KNOW!!! I know we haven’t been spending much time together and getting fewer and fewer outings. But, but I still love you guys! Even after Poly, or after your NS or whatsoever you guys will be doing, my name will still be Daredevil!! The loyal friend/buddy of Elektra, Powerboy, Powerger, Superman, Superger and Iceboy. I can still remember how we actually formed this foundation unknowingly. The AIA’s, im still ANTI it, no matter what!! Hehe.. On an end note, hope our friendship will actually lasts till our grandchildren’s time. Right, E?? *smiles*

Second goes to "Best Specials", my Princess and my Queen. (I forgot what I used to call myself, any recalls??)

To my girlfriends,

To my Queen, Hope everything is fine with you. I haven’t been talking to you lately. And I’m busy and you are busy too!! And I hate the quotes la but I know your current quote is nothing good. Im sure something is wrong. Prays its will get well soon, ya?? And I can’t believe its almost 13 years I’ve known you. Like WOW!! But 13 is so unlucky la, so hopefully 2007 will be nothing bad!! Hehe..

Now, to my Princess, basically I always talk to you and you are basically busy always!! And I have nothing to say to you. HAHAH!! Stay cheerful, chubby and happy always! Oohh, and ehem, ehem.. hope your relationship with mahir sekeping lasts la!! Korang kan, sweet gilers la!! Naik bulu roma kite and the best friends are jealous of you too!! Haha..

Lastly, save the last for the best, my only "Special". (or is it the other way round?? *wondering*)

Giving a formal introduction, my dear Muhd Fairoz bin “My father’s name”, (haha.. Seriously pelik to type my dad’s name behind yours..)

Fortunately or unfortunately, Im totally stuck with this guy. I don’t know what will happen between us and I have no high or pikiran-jauh hopes on this. You know I’m basically scared to enter this step with you or anyone. And with the obstacles and troubles we have ahead of us, I hope everything will we hurdle over.. together. And I know it’s been almost two months and you are just unsure about me being so secretive about us. I’m sorry for the hiding-behind-curtains relationship we had, not because you are, ermm, tak handsome kepe (you said it, not me okai??) but because I’m not ready to actually say my life has changed. And I know, Im not your type of girl and neither are you my type. (You know pretty well I don’t go for ermm.. shorties. Hehe. Sori!). But let’s just try to work things out while they can, alright?? Love you la!! And we shall pray together that our hearts won’t be broken ever again!! *hugs and kisses*

Long time no see!! Okai, I know I have been so busy with life that I’ve been neglecting this blog. Kwe-kwe!!

Today is one, one big surprise day!!

Early morning, I was smiling/jumping and squeezing juicy, secretive news from the birthday boy. Suke simpan2??? Uh, uh, uh!! And I was like havoc and waking darling up just for the stupid news. Terkejut die!! HAHA

And, and… Excuse me, Mister!! I tak suke la tng u berjam-jam kat bwh blok, cam bdk bodoh tau!! When I set the time, make sure you are ON TIME, blh tak?!?!?

Met up wit the couple at Esplanade. Pelik2/kekok2 sikit. Because we are meeting them like as one. And we both tak bwk buah tangan. And so sweet la org tu. Buat kan brownies!! Syg la kate kan.. hehe

Chilling session at the rooftop garden while berborak-borak. And please, even if you are 20 or even 30, there’s always a child in you. And susah sgt ke nak buat muke bodoh?? Sheesh. Luckily, my Mister learnt it fast. Haha

Memotong brownie-cum-cake kat MacD and the notti us did sumting notti. Tau pun jahat tp sheesh!! Takde pape terjadi la. Buat suspense je.

And, and.. I just want to say, people can say stuff about me that is not true/a make-believe. But as long as I know in my heart, its not true about me, that’s enough for me. I know I have a clear conscience. Ta-da!!

Oh, and, and.. Happy 2oth Birthday la, sekeping!! Aku takkan tulis panjang2 utk kau. Lambat lah!! Tks a lot for whatever help you have given me and whatever gossips we share, which i tink kite ade. oohh, and jgn blg kwn baik kau.. Mati lah aku!! haha (terase ye bang romeo kite?? kwakwa.. ) And harap perangai kau berubah sikit nye. Pakcik Kaypoh!! Just wish to say, may your wishes come true and Harap kau akan bahagia si samping keluarga dan yg tersyg..

The bEst fRens!!

tHe paSaNgan-sss

Gilers...

Sekeping dan brownies nye!!

Time passes quite fast.. No joke!!

Was having my Grad Party Yesterday. There was a concert and there were cute little kids performing.. So cute seh!! All were the lecturers' kids.. heh

Then, there were songs, games and blah, blah, blah.. And there were the "shim-s".. By the IC-DCP guys.. haha.. I JUS LOVE THE MISS THAILAND!! N there was Mr HTA.. Mr Have-To-Ask.. hehe.. I still cant 4get tat!!

Followed by the party!! Where there was fooooooooddddssss n muuusssiccc!!! yum-yum!! And the photo-takings!! Class Photo, DCP photo, Buddy photos!! Lots, lots...

Mrs Leong Kim Yuen n hEr fOrmer sTuds!!

Polymer Majors Studs!!!
DCP 3B/01, the blurred face @ e bck, is TYY..

mY SHF!! fInaLLy a Reunion..

But im sad cos im graduating sooonnnsss!!!

Im sorry to say this, but i feel like... ermm... the few of us were just drifting.. And ytd was the best way to get bck together.. Like the SHF being neglected, but a gdbye hug frm Mei made it all well.. N sum other friends from other majors..


oh... and, and.. Happy one moment!! (u called it moment, n i don noe why!!!).. N tks!! its sweet of you.. n there was sumting u said made me flutter.. Tak tersangka!!

Sorry if i made you angry/sakit hati/mendaks/n blah,blah,blah.. Today..

i still have sumting to say.. im not sum1 who is easily taken in or watsoever. Its just that wen i noe i can trust that person wholely n i noe that person is sum1 sincere, im willing to actually myself wholely into the relationship. So dont take it lightly cos basically, if the person step over my head, ill jus back away immediately.. So in all this stuff, ur instinct is the most important and the trust between each other..

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

At last sumone is 19 years old!! hehe.. dah tua jgk..

Wish you all the best and may you have a nice day tomorrow!! I make sure of that!! i want no tears, just smiles on your big day!! Like how you help me pull through my birthday.

Hope you enjoy the plans tomorrow!!

im jus so unhappy/unsatisfied/bingit/geram with some of the current things happening in my life!!

One...

Why do girls always say,"i have no clothes to wear!!" when they have tons/cartons of clothes in that damn of a small closet?!?!
Freak it!!

Two...

I did not even menyibuk tepi kain you.. Ever since ermm.. the warning. So i just let go.. I did not know what you were doing, i did not know where you were. I have no idea!! I had no contact from you or watsoever.. And i did hear something about you and the only thing i did was, listen, take in and forget about it.. Membebankan kepala ku!! So you have no right to menyibuk tepi kain i and accuse me of blah, blah, blah.. WHATEVER!!

the-so-mengeram/pissed/freaking-irritated!!!
First time sey!!!!

Three...

I HATE PPL WHO CANT KEEP SECRETS!!! duush, duush, duush!!!!
Freaking you!! *ggggrrrrrrrr*

Four...

Why are some friends just freaking so tak-sincere?????? I mean, im so merajuks with this friend of mine.. With the blog entries, with the attitude, with the coldness. With everything about this friend!!

Five...

I dont like!!! No comments!! I dont want to hear anything!! Yes, yes.. we may seem so.. errmm.. tak sedondon.. BUT... like die selalu kate, "Cinta tu tak kenal rupe, hanye kenal isi hati..". Some sort in that sense lah kan.. haha..

And.. I will bring/introduce soon la.. No worries. Cume blum time je. Sheesh.. Bonda-ss nowadays.. Mcm2 nak comment.. Nak bagus tu cari dari darah sendiri..

P.S: Sape2 yg terase sori ye.. Tp kalau terase bagus lah.. Ubah sikit lah.. Bagus!!

I noe, i noe. Im jus so WOLS in posting all my daily blog posts. Sheesh! Therefore, all the long posts up ahead.

P.S: Sori kalau mata kero/ur eyes senget!! (due to the long posts..) hehe.

MONDAY:

Cabut my classes for the whole day!! Sori lah, Pendek!! i dont mean to not wake up, but I JUST COULDNT WAKE UP!! He was so mad at me when he called me during his tea break and i was still sleeping!!

Hang out with the besties. Ehem2..

And TKS DEE FOR THE SWENSENS TREAT!!

Terkopak duit akak kite!! takpe la kan, sekali sekala!!

Shaf joined us in the evening after werk and we sat at Coffee Bean. My pink lemonade was pink sour!! If i remember correctly, it isnt supposed to be even sour!! So i had lots of time with my screw-up faces!! hehek

And Mal was so freaking happy she got her Harry Potter DVDs. Big smiles all the way!! non-stop basically.

oh, oh.. i received something from Miss Diyanah.. actually, we both got it, MAlly and Sue. We each got a heart-broken necklace. BESTIE = BES + TIE.. I had the TIE!! Funny thing, we were not even excited about it! A surprise which was not even a surprise!!

The necklaces!!

TUESDAY:

Went for all 3 lectures straight!! gd girl!! And yes, yes again.. Pendek woke me up and tks, tks, tks alot!! I had a test that i didnt even know off!! C&AT.. Last minute study and i still passed!! WOohOo!

Ermm, i believe i did not go out on tuesday.. Did i, did i??????? *wondering*
I believe not!!


WEDNESDAY:

Ermm.. Cabut all my classes again!! Ok, seriously.. Im getting lazier each day.. Well, basically, i had 1 class today and my FYP ppt is over. So there wasnt even a nd to go to school. So na-da!!

Lunch at Banquet with Mr Romeo!! *mimicking vomit action*

My fried fish soup noodles was ewww!! Bland and no taste of milk! No rase of susu cap teko!! But slowly eat and gulp it down. 4 bucks, i cant waste all the money!!

Went home eat again... My mom forced me too!! Cos she goreng too much noodles!!

Then evening, went to his Kakak Sedare hse.
Btw, i ate again!! Mee goreng lagi!! pelan2 aku telan.. Mami die dah jemput, tak mkn tak sedap plk kan..

Im sorrry, sorrry, sorry!!! I still laughed about it up till now. Im just so freaking bad!! I know!!

Plans to meet Mahir at Teh Tarik.. But, but... org tu lbt.. We even finish up our drinks la!!

So instead kite went Simpang!! With Faisal along la. And nak jaga hati mama nye pasal, blek lah siang.. hehe

THURSDAY:

i don remember what i did today!! ermm, i dont even rmbr wat clothes i was wearing on the day!! Sheesh...

This post will just go out to people whom i feel guilty to and this is the post of apologies.

To B, I just want to say a thousand apologies to you, if i had broken your heart, hurt your feelings and made you mad. I know since right from the start, ever since we patched up, it was so hard for you to put your trust in me again. But I can honestly say, I did not lie to you about all this matter that you have accused me of. I have been honest with you ever since the inevitable happened. I know i have been kasar with you, but how am i supposed to not take it to hard when you accused me of lying, when i didnt. And you seem so ragu-ragu in whatever i say. How can i take it that you keep questioning me and asking me the same, old question.. When i say no, im not.. Just take it and let go. All I can say now is, Im sorry and i just hope we can have a friendship at peace for now.

To Romeo, Im sori for being so crude/rude/kasar/kurang ajar to you. I know, i know.. Im just hot tempered nowadays. But you just have to sakit kan hati nie. Like almost everyday. And i would not have been crude and maki2 you if you hadnt maki me first. And, and.. nenek you tak ajar pe adat/sopan ke atas seorang pompan. I know, I must just bersabar je. Sampai tng je masa, semua nye, mungkin i muntah kan. Lastly, dont do whatever you did yesterday. I just don like it at all. I hate it when you say it. I've been hurt badly/tremendously once and i've hurt some1 twice. And now, Im just not willing to be hurt again. So im just taking my time to take it slowly.

To all my other friends, whom have sound me up, its not im running away from you guys. Im just going through some rough times. And im sorry if i had given you the impression that im avoiding you guys. To assure you all, I LOVE YOU ALL!!! MUACKS!!

And, last but not least, to Pendek.. Im sorry for using your name in most arguements that i had. Im sorry, im sorry. I just nak sakitkan hati die, thats all and your name seems to do the job well. Hehe. I know, you tanak gaduh psl hal bodoh nie and you don wan to be the third party. And garang lah si pendek tu bile marah.. Im sorry, im sorry!! I owe you a meal and most of all, AN APOLOGY!! Im sorry!! And, and.. take care of your ankle, aite??

HALOOO!!!!!!!

blogging in at such an early hour.. weeweet!!!

ok, im sewel/siao/takbtuls/giler!!!

kwakwa

Had CSW-cum-English Test. I don like!!! I just don favour it.. Sheesh

Then went to JP to eat up my Ban Mian.. And it was the first time i finish my whole Bowl of ban Mian. I guess its the company that counts uh.. haha..

And i was so jakuns about the mirror in the cubicles.. Like "wow!! There's a mirror!!" and with Mal's catch phrase of the day, "Tak abis2..".. That happen whenever i take out my camera.. Which is like almost everytime!! HAHA!!

Went bck to SP to watch the Muzikarama..

So.......

Lets jus crite2 cikit2 about yesterday's Muzikarama by SP production. Sang Singa Purba, "Pulangkanlah".

It was an inspiration drama with irama, lucu and ke-telatah-ness. But to me, the beginning was a bit merepek. There were lots of silap2, with the hosts, the lights, the speeches. All were not prepared. I tink the nervousness of it.

The story line was inspiration from Fairy Tales. There was the Frog Prince (Putera Romeo), Snow White, Doraemon, Teletubbies And Fairy God Mother, And Babengs.. If you ask me wat the hell is a babeng, Its actually a baboon plus Kambing, so put together is babeng!! haha

And Snow whites and the seven dwarfs tale, the seven dwarfs was changed to the seven matreps. Haha.. tapi tu sume matrep2 yg tak menjadi lah.. haha

Ending was merepeks.. But best part was, u know, the song by Misha Omar?? the one played in the pontianak film?? It was played in pitch dark and suddenly, the Cik-Pon jus appear behind us.. Sape tak panic?? haha

So far and overall, ketawa tu ketawa lah.. But the level of merapek-ness also ade.. And preparation was ermm, tak prepared..